


JAWS! The Musical

by Tailor1971



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Banter, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Husbands, M/M, Musicals, Patrick Brewer likes acting, Post-Canon, RA Shark Fest, shark week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tailor1971/pseuds/Tailor1971
Summary: Patrick scores the lead in a production of "JAWS! The Musical" and can't wait to share the news with David.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33
Collections: Rose Apothecary Shark Fest





	JAWS! The Musical

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrizzleNox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrizzleNox/gifts).



> This is my entry for the Rose Apothecary Shark Fest, in honor of Shark Week. I was amused to discover that there is an actual "Jaws, the musical", as well as other plays/musicals based on the movie. However this fic does not reference any of those works. All of the scenes Patrick describes in the story are the product of my insomnia-addled brain.
> 
> A big thank you to FrizzleNox for the discussions about Shark onesies on Discord. Once that image got inside my head it rattled around for a few days and this is the result.

“I got the lead role!” Patrick said excitedly when he called David on the way home from the auditions in Elmdale. 

“That’s great, honey. Are you finally going to tell me what musical you’re starring in?”

“Tonight, at dinner. Let’s just say it’s a role I can really sink my teeth into. Meet me at the cafe at 6:30.”

David didn’t like that Patrick was being so cryptic; it made him very concerned about the possibilities.  _ Please don’t be Cats _ , he thought to himself. Although, on second thought, having an actor who was allergic to cats playing a cat would be an irony that David could get behind.

As David sat in the cafe waiting for Patrick, he reflected on how proud he was of Patrick’s journey as an actor. He still performed in every play staged by the Schitt’s Creek Community Theater, but in town he was a big fish in a small pond. When he decided to branch out and audition at the Elmdale Repertory Theater, he found that the competition for roles was stiffer, but the plays had bigger budgets so the productions were more rewarding. The fact that he had scored the lead for his third play was impressive.

Patrick strode into the cafe, beaming. He gave David a quick hello kiss and then slid into the booth across from him.

“So? What’s the name of the play?” David asked impatiently.

Patrick practically bounced with glee and smiled from ear to ear. “JAWS! The Musical.” 

David could hear a record scratch inside his head. Ugh, this had  _ campy _ written all over it. David despised camp. However, he wanted to be supportive of his husband so he took a deep breath and chose his words very carefully. “Hmm, in the lead role, you’re going to be, like, the Sheriff?”

“No, David. I’m the shark!” Patrick said, in a tone that made it sound like that conclusion should have been self-evident.

_ This is worse than I thought. _ “In bringing this shark to the stage, will there be elegant, artistic puppets like they used in The Lion King?”

“Think less Lion King, and more Katy Perry Left Shark. The costume is a tastefully designed onesie. I saw the sketches and got measured for it this afternoon. My head will show through the mouth so you’ll still know it’s me”

David started anxiously spinning his rings. His husband was going to be standing in front of the citizens of Elmdale, many of whom were their customers, wearing what he could only imagine would be a cross between novelty pajamas and a bad Halloween costume. 

“How big a part does the shark have? In the movie, doesn’t it just pop out and eat people every once in a while?”

“David, it’s a big part. The shark is the star of the show! I have a lot of introspective solos where I sing about the inner life of a shark. For example, in one song I explain that for me, eating a swimmer is like buying a scone at Starbucks - people are just what I eat.” Patrick paused and bit his bottom lip. “And there’s dancing.”

David actually  _ gulped _ . “Dancing? Oh my god.”

“Yeah, the shark attacks are contemporary dance numbers between the shark and the victim. I’m going to need some more personal lessons, for sure. I talked with the choreographer and there will be some pretty challenging moves, including lifts.”

David needed to change the subject immediately. ‘Did Stevie get a role in this tour de force?”

“Yes, she’s the oceanographer. She comes in during the big group number on the beach, ‘Calamity in Amity’. We’re going to need a lot of extras for that scene.” Patrick lit up and reached over to take David’s hand. “We’re going to have a boat on stage that will actually sink!”

“Oh right, doesn’t the shark eat someone on the boat?

“Yeah, Quint, the Shark Hunter. Do you remember that guy Ken?”

David grimaced. “Our customer who buys his polos at Baby Gap? Yes, I remember.”

“That’s who’s playing the shark hunter. I guess I get to eat him after all. Ba dum tsshhh!” Patrick said, miming a rimshot.

“Too soon,” David said, shaking his head.

Patrick winked at David and took a sip of water. “I know you said you wanted to participate more in my plays so that we can share the experience, so I suggested you for a role in this one.”

David’s stomach sank.  _ Oh, please, not one of the beach extras. My body is not in a place where I want to have it displayed on stage under a spotlight. _

Patrick took his phone out of his back pocket. “They’re looking for a set designer to create an aesthetic for the piece.” He brought up an image on his phone and handed it to David. “Here’s the mood board that the director started to put together today.”

David looked at the images and put his hand up dismissively. ‘This mood board is all over the place. Nope, this image has got to go. Why is there not even one shark on the mood board? I’m thinking we go with a palette of beachy neutrals like driftwood grey, wood brown, and sand, make the main colors ocean blue and sea glass green, and then throw in some pops of scarlet. Will I have a say in the costumes? Twyla, do you have a pen I can borrow? And like, a dozen more napkins?” David slid Patrick’s phone back to him and pulled out his own.

Patrick sat back in the booth and watched his husband create a Pinterest board to collect his new inspiration images. He texted the director, “He’s in,” and then started looking over the menu.  _ I’ll wait until we’re in bed tonight to tell him about the pyrotechnician and the exploding shark. _

  
  



End file.
